In 1977, the world was introduced to Star Wars, and in the years that followed, we learnt that George Lucas intended to one day go back and construct a trilogy that preceded the episodes featuring Luke Skywalker and his battles against the Empire — a trilogy for Obi-Wan’s story. In 1994, Lucas decided to keep his promise, and work began on the three “prequels”.

Now, 28 years after Star Wars first graced the silver screen, the story we’ve all been waiting to see — the fall of the Jedi, the creation of the Empire, and the birth of Darth Vader — is finally here. Is it worth seeing? Yes. Yes, it is.

I’m not going to waste time telling you the plot — either you already know it, or you don’t want to know it.

Instead, I’ll tell you what to expect and, more importantly, what not to expect:

1. expect dialogue that no-one would say in real life,
2. expect cartoonish supervillains,
3. expect most (but not all) questions to be answered,
4. don’t expect it to feel just like a lost episode from the original trilogy, and
5. don’t expect perfection.

The pacing is excellent, the transitions linking the old films to the prequels all work wonderfully, and finally, there are tantalising ambiguities that will never be explained (within the films, at least). It looks and sounds fantastic, too.

This, after the original Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back, is the film I was born to see. It’s darker than The Empire Strikes Back, but it’s also less introspective. I’d say it’s the third best Star Wars film overall, but in every way it deserves its place alongside them. It’s the film that will remind people of why they loved Star Wars in the first place.

I’ve been thinking about “reality TV” lately, and how it might be possible to revitalise the genre. I think I have the solution…

24 participants — 12 weeks — one outcome.

Who will survive THE LOCKDOWN?

Imagine: 24 men and women divided equally into two groups of 12, one being composed of “guards”, the other (not surprisingly) being the “prisoners”, each chosen at random from a pool of “beautiful people” in their 20’s and 30’s. The guards take turns at managing the prisoners, with a producer acting as the warden. Sounds like a winner already, doesn”t it?

Essentially, this is the Stanford Prison Experiment with a twist: each week the public must decide which one of the guards and which one of the prisoners they want gone. The week’s “nominees”, however, are chosen as follows:

1. the nominated guards are the top three guards chosen by prisoners to stay, and
2. the nominated prisoners are the top three prisoners chosen by guards to stay.

This will ensure that the more sadistic types won’t be voted out early.

Meanwhile, imagine the promos:

“Tonight on Lockdown: 151 confronts 233 over the anal rape in the showers; Boots teaches Webb how to exact ‘real discipline’; and 409 arranges for a fellow prisoner to be killed…”

How could you lose?

As reported on Reuters, a young British boy found a corn snake in his box of breakfast cereal.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, “Gee, we never had such cool prizes in cereal when I was a kid!” (imagine pouring out a bowl of Honey Smacks only to discover a live scorpion!) or even amusing yourself with a rather witty corn snake/flake pun, but I assure you, this is no laughing matter.

I won’t go so far as to claim that this is a continuation of the attacks against humans by animals everywhere that began with the killer fish. What I will do, however, is point out that boxes of cereal are in homes all over the world, and intelligence reports suggest that corn snakes, rattlesnakes, and even cobras could be hiding in as many as 80% of cereal boxes right now!

We can no longer afford to sit on our hands and wait for animals to attack us. No, we must strike preemptively against animals for everyone’s safety. Even common household pets (or, as I like to call them, “enemy sleeper cells”) pose a serious threat.

The War on Nature has begun!

It has begun.

In what can only be described as a clear sign that the end-times are upon us, a fish has attacked and injured a Queensland man without him ever entering the water (registration required). But this, dear readers, is only the beginning of a soon-to-be-declared “War on Nature,” which will be spearheaded by the Bush administration and joined by the so-called “coalition of the fearful” (i.e. the usual suspects).

“As more and more members of the animal kingdom choose to align themselves with evil, America and its allies must make tough choices in this post-9/11 world,” George W. Bush will pronounce in a stirring speech to the faithful. “We must demonstrate, once and for all, that we are the dominant species on this planet, even if that means eradicating the food-chain and dooming mankind to certain extinction.”

Meanwhile, those yellow-bellied cowards, the New Zealanders, will wait it out. When a 300 pound East Friesian ram is pissed-off and out for blood, however, they’ll soon change their tune!